the Incredible Pressure of Being


Don't hate me, but I sorta like being under pressure.

Admitting that is like saying you love to exercise, or that you enjoy a good argument. And we hate people who say crap like that don't we? But a little pressure never killed anyone. It's how we respond to it that makes or breaks us...or completely pulverizes us. Because really, being under pressure just means that something is happening that we care a great deal about and we don't want to royally mess it up. I can also admit that I am bone chillingly, paralyzingly terrified of messing up. It's the subject of all my nightmares...except the shark ones.

I fear being a disappointment to people. Being ridiculous. Being vulnerable. Not good fears to have if you're...well, human because mortality requires that we are all of these things. I'm learning to deal with the fear, one laughable goal at a time. And part of the self prescribed therapy is to force myself to follow the dream. THE dream. Even when there's just so much pressure!

So this is what's going down: I finished that novel. You know the one. And I'm self publishing on amazon ON FRIDAY. So I'm getting everything formatted and designed and doing last minute editing because I'm sure I misspelled something important. And the pressure I feel is like being suffocated and flying free at the same time. It's wonderful and it's horrible.

Because I CARE how it all turns out.

If I were just a hobby novelist, I'm sure I would feel just dandy. There are millions of ways to live a pleasant life without ever taking the big risks. But that burden of fear is a way of knowing that I'm not wasting my time on something that could never bring me real joy, and I believe we were meant to have joy. So yeah, I'll take this pressure. I accept it. The alternative would be living life as a zombie...and then what would I have that's worth fighting for? It'd be like 'The walking dead' without a deliciously gray-bearded Rick Grimes.

I will publish on Friday and this will add one dream realized and one fear conquered to my life's grand tally.

{and then I'll get right to work on that shark phobia...never}

To celebrate my first attempt at literary legitimacy, check out my new book review blog, and sing along with my good friends, David and Freddie...

this-book blog

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