Brussel Sprouts and Free Will

3/20/14



One of the worst symptoms of my particular cellular disorder is brain fog. I can tell already that you don't understand. I mean. Brain. Fog. To the extreme. Like London circa 1871. The first time I experienced it I thought I was having a stroke. I forgot how to spell the name of my town. The town I was born and raised in and still occupy to this day. I could not for the life of me spell that one uncomplicated word. I had to google it. And then I googled aneurysms.

This leads me to an explanation of one of my worst faults. I am awesome at being prepared for anything. I am a friggin girl scout. But I'm much better at preparing to suffer the consequences than I am at avoiding the consequences altogether. I can manage the aftermath. It's the initial decision to prevent a nasty little cellular trainwreck that I struggle with. In other words, I eat the chocolate...and then forget my address.

But isn't this the big question of life? How to turn our noses up at the harmful, as pleasant and as easy as it may seem, and embrace the much more strenuous healthful, uplifting and enlightened? To remember how cruddy we feel when we settle for the instant and the vulgar and the artificial?

To remember that we weren't created to feel cruddy?

I was thinking about all this after I watched the trailer for the Giver and saw Meryl Streep deliver the line. "If people are free to choose, they choose wrong".

And then I fixed myself a plate of quinoa and vegetables for lunch when what I really wanted was potato chips.

And I researched dslr filmmaking for hours so I can shoot my own book trailer when what I really wanted to do was watch back-to-back episodes of Orphan Black online.

And I believed as hard as I could that I will be a real author when all I really wanted to do was give up and move into my sister's basement.

So there, Meryl.

Time is made up of blending and blurring sacrifices - it can only contain so much at once and we are the ones who choose one thing over another. And the really tough and empowering and BRAVE thing is that I'm going to have to get up tomorrow and make all the same good choices over again. Every day without fail. Until I do fail.

And then I might need help remembering how old I am...

No comments:

Post a Comment